It finally happened. I hit my limit this week. I made it through 230 days of relentless optimism, of trying to uncover a silver lining threaded through the past 7 months, and of convincing myself that there had to be some big meaningful reason that we are all experiencing so much loss this year. A few days into the pandemic, I forced myself to get over the shock of what was happening, took stock of everything that I still needed to get done every day, and organized my life into neat little checklists and firm schedules to keep everything under control. I made it through 230 days of telling myself that I could handle everything, that I was okay.
I’m not okay. I’m guessing that a lot of you probably aren’t either.
I am just so tired of all of this. I miss going to coffee shops, I miss live music, I miss passing people in the grocery store without worrying that they’re getting too close to me. I miss smiling at strangers on the streets, I miss petting dogs on the sidewalk, and I miss hugs. I really, really miss hugs.
I’m also tired of trying to keep up the appearance that I have everything under control. I’m tired of pretending that I’m happy to talk to a computer screen all day, that I’m not having any trouble staying motivated to get all of my work done when I spend my whole work day two feet away from my bed. I’m tired of pretending that I’m not overwhelmed by everything that’s happening in the world, that I’m not emotionally exhausted by the end of some (most) days. I’m tired of pretending that I don’t need to just fall apart.
I’m tired of pretending that everything’s fine, so I’ve decided to stop – to let myself acknowledge that this situation isn’t fine, I’m not fine. To let myself accept that things are anything but okay right now.
Yes, this will pass. We will be okay again — we’ll be able to hug our friends again, we’ll be able to go out and go dancing and fall in love and go to concerts and leave our houses without triple checking that we have our masks and hand sanitizer with us. We’ll be able to let out the breath that we’ve all been holding for 230 days.
For now, let yourself fall apart when you need to. Let yourself crumble, let yourself cry and scream and fight and do whatever it is you need to do to feel something again. It’s okay if you need to cancel a Zoom meeting because you can’t sit in front of your screen for another second, it’s okay if you need to get a deadline extended because work just doesn’t seem important in the context of what we’re facing globally. It’s okay if you need to turn off your phone and put on the saddest movie you can think of and just let yourself really, finally cry about everything that you’ve lost recently. It’s okay if you need to stop searching for the light for a second.
Because the light will always find its way back to you, even when you’re not seeking it out. It will sneak back in when you least expect it — something will make you smile in spite of yourself, some song will pull at your heartstrings in a way that reminds you that you’re never truly facing any of this alone.
Maybe I’m not okay. Maybe my life looks wildly different than it did a year ago. Maybe I can’t always see the bright side of things. Maybe I haven’t figured out how to create some deep, poetic meaning out of this chaos. But I am learning how to sit within it. I am learning how to be gentle with myself, to let myself fall apart when I need a break from holding it together. I am learning how to show my love to my friends and family in new ways when I can’t be with them in person. I am learning how to show love to myself when I need it. I’m learning how to be okay with not being okay.
We all carry beliefs and behavioral patterns that no longer serve us. The hardest part about dismantling our limiting belief system is recognizing when we exhibit them. Cultivating self-awareness leads to learning the “why” about our unhealthy traits so we can stop them before they arise. Here are nine toxic traits to let go of.
We often feel the urge to consult others when we are at a crossroads of our lives. Talking about our decision out loud is useful in organizing our thought process; however, when we ask for approval, we are stepping away from trusting ourselves and listening to our intuition. The only validation we need is our own. Following your intuition is a practice of letting your values align with your truths.
When we seek worth outside of ourselves, we create a false sense of security towards elements outside our control. We never have control over the outcome of a career path or a length of a relationship. We can never control what happens to us, but we can create an anchor within ourselves to handle anything that comes our way. Remember, when we do the work to validate, love, and believe in ourselves, we will always feel whole regardless of whatever storm we face.
Perfectionism is a myth. The concept of perfectionism is derived from the fear of making mistakes. Mistakes are necessary seeds of our growth and evolution. Mistakes and moments of imperfections show our openness to continue to learn, grow, and evolve. Your desire to reach perfection shows your commitment to showing up every day and performing to the best of your ability. You are doing the best you can. Relax and celebrate your efforts.
Here’s a truth bomb: No one wakes up as you, no one goes to bed as you, no one has endured the trials and tribulations of your life. Your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters because you are the author of your story. Do not let anyone else write it.
Gossip is a short-lived dopamine kick used to distract you from your insecurities. When you get a high from diminishing someone else, you become addicted to the game of comparison. The act of comparison is filling a void you refuse to acknowledge within yourself. When you focus your energy on building yourself up, the act of putting someone down becomes trivial.
Unless this is a business relationship, you should not give with the intention to receive. True friendships are founded on giving through love without an expectation of receiving anything in return. Having an expectation of reciprocity will lead to resentment.
You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to have boundaries. You are still enough if you say no. You are still a whole person if you say no. Your mental well-being is a priority, and when we spread ourselves thin and become accessible to everyone, we deplete ourselves.
Emotions are a gateway to learning about ourselves. They do not define who we are. We are often afraid to feel anger, rage, and sadness. However, when we allow these emotions to pass through our bodies, we become more self-aware and resilient. Our feelings teach us lessons about ourselves but are not our identities. We dictate who we are through our fundamental values of empathy, compassion, and love.
When we care what people think, we direct our attention to everyone else and start to curate ourselves to make everyone comfortable. We are not for everyone, and everyone is not for us. A fulfilling life is to be who you are and cultivate relationships based on acceptance instead of an urgency to be liked.
It takes practice to break down unhealthy beliefs to reach a state of mental peace and autonomy. If you are guilty of any of these behavioral patterns, do not feel ashamed or embarrassed. The first step of change is the self-awareness to move forward with a healthy and mindful approach to life.
Let me start by saying the world feels heavy right now. Things are uncertain. You have stuff to do. You don’t necessarily know your next move. It’s hard to plan, and like me, you perhaps find yourself often stressed. You spread yourself thin. It’s a never-ending cycle.
You feel guilty for even thinking of slowing down, of taking time off, and for not following a certain routine religiously. You always feel like you should be doing something, that the mere act of relaxing is stressful in itself and I am here to tell you that you and I need to take the chill pill. You and I are going to become horrible people if we continue like that. We’re going to feel like absolute shit.
You are NOT a machine. You are not here to always show up and prove something to the world. You are a human who gets tired, who has feelings, who absorbs so much on a daily basis, a human who deserves a pat on the shoulder every once in a while. You deserve to stay in your pajamas on a Sunday and do absolutely nothing. You don’t always have to be running somewhere, thinking you’re living this grand purpose, because chances are, when it gets too much, you’re going to stomp on others and it’s going to be unbearable.
At the end of the day, we’re humans who always crave more and more, and if you’re the kind of person who endlessly climbs mountains, I salute you, but here’s a reminder that there is beauty in just being. Notice how good it feels to stretch your body on your bed in the morning before you make that important phone call.
There’s one thing I believe in: We’re able to truly give the best parts of ourselves when there is balance in our lives. When we remember that we owe ourselves some fun, some down time, just as the things and people we give ourselves too. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary, and it ultimately benefits everyone around you in the end.
So let’s take a deep breath, forgive ourselves for the way we’re handling things, and calm down. In the softest voice possible, remind yourself that you are enough, and you are worthy just the way you are.
Has anyone ever taken the time to tell you that you are goddamn beautiful? Can I take a minute to say that you have a smile that can blow up a room like lightning in a rainstorm? You are magnetic, and anyone that gets near you is drawn to your absolute loveliness.
I am so enamored by your humbleness to see how amazingly gorgeous you are! Seriously, has anyone given you the attention that you deserve? You walk around as if you can’t see how special you are. I am blown away by your inability to see what is so apparently obvious to all of us.
You downplay your presence as though your existence is insignificant. I don’t understand. Please look in the mirror, take off your distorted glasses, and see the real image staring back at you. I can tell you that you are magnificently pretty with a projecting innocence and a humorous charm that doesn’t take itself too seriously.
Your lack of knowledge about your beauty makes you even more beautiful, but imagine how different things would be if you gained the confidence to visualize the present reality of YOU. It breaks my heart that you allow everyone else to take the limelight while you slink in the back of the theatre.
I wish I could take your hand and show you off like the prize you are, but I know that isn’t your style. You tirelessly compare yourself to other women and give them the credit for being prettier, sexier, and smarter. When will you see that you are the stars, sun, and moon? I don’t care what another person walked away from; I don’t care how much they took you for granted. Stop allowing another person’s inability to love or treasure you be your story or reason for lack of worth!
People walk away because they are tired of trying to convince you of your talents, of your strength and beauty. It’s not their job! If they don’t love you, let them walk; be strong enough to rise from the ashes and become more assured in your love! Everyone is not made for everyone. Stop taking someone else’s rejection as a reflection of your self-esteem, confidence, and value.
C’mon, lady, you have more fight in you than that! You are a spitfire! You are the most energetic, fun, and adventurous person I know. Wear that leopard dress, skydive out of that plane, stand on that stage, dance at a concert, and take control and be the leader that you are.
There is a light that shines inside of you that is unique. You are different than anyone I have ever met—embrace those qualities. You are not replaceable—you are, in fact, irreplaceable. Whoever is lucky enough to share their life with you was chosen by something greater than you and me. Stand in your power, stand in your creativity and talent, and be all that is YOU!
No one can ever take your place; no one can ever imitate or steal your identity. You are a treasure in this crazy chaotic world with an abundance of gifts to give everyone, including yourself. Clear the cobwebs off your beautiful eyes and dive into a world that you can create with your magic. because you are goddamn beautiful!
I spent a considerable part of my adolescence working my ass off to get a paycheck instead of working the same ass shopping for crystals or finding a nonsense boyfriend to love to hate as my girlfriends did.
I had my first job at 15 years old. At the time, my mom insisted I should work four hours a day at her company to get a real sense of what responsibility was and to show me that money doesn’t grow on trees.
Things felt professional at 16 when I got to be the young lady who cleans up after a picky client in the fitting room. On the contrary, it wasn’t to get some sense of teamwork or aim for fashion as a career; it was a real necessity. The same person who introduced me to the practical meaning of the word “work” had lost her job, and as a single woman in her 40s, she had challenges in placing herself in another company. Thus, someone had to help spend money on frivolous things and pay that kind of paper that gets every month in our mailbox.
From job to job, I made a modest but gratifying amount of savings. It felt similar to winning the lottery that later would be invested in junk pieces, not to mention it turned our income less shaky.
In 2015, I wrote a five-year plan for my life, full of things such as having my own place, living in a foreign country, visiting California” and so on. This particular digital vow got lost in my Google Drive, and it was only auspicious enough to be found last year. Thus, having the blessings of the cosmos or not, I saw myself landing in the US later in the same period that a baby takes to be delivered and happily visited more places than the bear republic.
Some people might say a “stroke of luck” ruled these events. Millennials probably go for “serendipity.” And some would call it “synchronicity.” Me? Well, it’s my way to make magic happen: reading the signs and working on them from head to toe because there’s no coincidence. What does exist, instead, are the clues that the universe sends us. And this process it’s much more manual work than repeating Ariana Grande’s chorus in an angelic voice: “I see it. I like it. I want it. I got it.”
To whom it may concern, I’m Taurus sun, Capricorn rising, Mars in Pisces. Far away from the enchanted land of astrology, I’m a worker, dreamer, maker, believer at all levels. I achieve things spiritually and materially because I’m a badass worker. And women workers are indeed fairies—mostly the octopus one.
I’m an octopus fairy who immigrated in her mid-20s to New York, leaving her (un)comfort zone in Brazil. An octopus fairy who even took the subway every day during a worldwide pandemic. An octopus fairy who makes some dollars to survive from demanding employers and sends another portion of this worshiped currency (which only portrays men, by the way!) to her family.
2020 is a devil’s cauldron ruled by Bolsonaro, Trump, and other demons who don’t do their job besides not wearing their masks. And I’m in the witch’s team trying to escape those “evil spells” that make our lives harder than they should be.
My magic is hard work and sharp intuition. It’s waking up early to write essays in the hope of being recognized as a readable writer. On the other hand, it is having back pain from carrying somebody else’s child to be recognized as a reasonable babysitter at the end of the same day. Overall, if the only requirement to do magic is to make things happen, the world is surrounded by octopus fairies, as I said. I’m one, and you might be another one. Say it that loud this Halloween!
