Lately, more so than usual, social media has been flooded with opinions. Because people are being more vocal about their beliefs, others grow more hostile defending their own in response. Rational discussions are too commonly few and far between. I’ve noticed both through observation and experience that too many hostile disagreements stem from closed-mindedness from both parties. from just persistently not listening.
So, why is open-mindedness an extremely vital part of self-growth?
I’ve seen way too many people approach debates (I’d honestly hardly call these conversations debates; they’re more like verbal thrashings) with, “If you ______, direct message me & I’ll tell you why you’re wrong.” This dehumanizes the person on the other side of the argument and often makes it seem like they want the worst for everyone. Instead, we must recognize that the person we disagree with has at least a reason for their belief. How do we determine if that reason is reliable and coming from a good place? We listen to them. We recognize them as people who, more often than not, think their way is the safest and best way.
The arguments about police and prison reform were the inspiration for this blog post and the social and political elephant in the room here, but keep in mind open-mindedness is not only a tactic to form your political beliefs (...but definitely use it! Don’t dismiss ideas before you even hear and consider them).
With that being said, let’s switch to looking at this thought process within improving states of our self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety. It’s probably difficult to understand why some friends and family members struggle with anxiety or self-doubt. Instead of saying, “Just don’t worry,” we should be asking them what they’re worried about, why they’re worried about it, and what helps ease their fears. Then, we should express understanding for their anxiety and calmly discuss its rationality and action steps to prevent it in the future. “Just don’t worry,” dismisses real worries and creates shame for having them, which isn’t helpful for growth for either party.
On the flip side, if you struggle with something like anxiety or self-doubt and reach out for help, it’s possible you anticipate you’re too far gone for any of their advice to actually help you. If you hear them without listening, the conversation is fruitless because you’ve already decided you’re the exception. To be helped, you must be open to getting help.
Hannah Montana really said it best in her song “Nobody’s Perfect.” Viewing our opinions from any perspective at all as infallible because we hold them is entirely unhelpful. If we’re afraid of a kink in our logic, we make our ideas seem more extreme because we’re giving full-fledged solutions instead of saying, “Well, this is the best thing I’ve heard so far. What do you think?” For example, abolitionist-based police reform has been widely discussed and the exact community resources that would replace aspects of the police have been tossed around. If we believe in abolitionist-based police reform, we must be able to recognize that asking people what their ideal version of expanding community resources looks like is extremely helpful in consideration, meaning there may be something more ideal than what you currently believe. On the other side of that, people who are aggressively supporting our current police force often refuse to think anything is wrong with it at all, which also stunts progress.
Within a different avenue, if someone has negative coping mechanisms for stress, they must not sweep them under the rug like they’re no big deal. Instead of saying, “It’s not a problem. I don’t even do it that much,” we have to acknowledge that something is wrong in the first place. Similarly, if their friend tries to suggest a behavior to replace the negative one, the friend shouldn’t believe this is not only the best way, but the only way to live at all. This again goes back to approaching the confrontation, proving the person with negative coping mechanisms probably isn’t trying to have them, but they have to want to get better.
No matter what perspective of any argument you’re coming from, it’s always easy to get caught up in the moment and shift the conversation to personal attacks and angry comments. When we remove these behaviors, we make room for facts, experiences, and true perspectives. An open mind allows the full extent of each perspective to be expressed. This means that at the end of the conversation, even if the two people end up disagreeing, they then can say, “I don’t agree, but I see where they’re coming from,” which results in a lot less bashing and overall hostility.
“How I Realized There’s Enough Pretty to Go Around”
It’s a joke among my friends and family that as a child, I was rather… sure of myself. Some may choose the word conceited, but we’ll go with extraordinarily confident. Obviously, many kids have problems recognizing the positive characteristics they share with others; likewise, I was too busy basking in self-love to see that there were other girls who were also pretty and smart.
At some point, though, a middle school girl who couldn’t bear the idea of leaving the house without makeup started replacing my overwhelming amount of self-assuredness.
Over my six years of social media usage, I started incorporating a rather unhealthy habit of comparison into my daily routine, and I didn’t recognize its severity until I found myself on another girl’s instagram before I went to bed wishing and praying I could have the ever-so-perfect highlight real she portrayed on her profile. Eventually, I became rather upset that this was such a large focus of my day-to-day, but instead of taking action steps to alleviate these self-inflicted unhealthy habits, I let them be. I chose to ignore them, acting like I had no reason to fix anything since I identified the issue already. What more could I possibly need?
It’s irrational to treat our personal setbacks aside like a book laying around we’ve been meaning to read for six years. See, the only way to actually get past the habit of comparison was to allow myself to get upset every now and then. I had to stop ignoring the problem.
So, I started trying. Slowly but surely, I’d catch myself lurking on someone’s page, but then I’d recognize the lies I constantly used to tell myself and do my best to lift my spirits with positivity. One day, scrolling on VSCO, I saw a picture that said, “Just because she’s pretty doesn’t mean you’re not.”
“Just because she’s pretty doesn’t mean you’re not.”
Okay.
What next?
Now, I wish that seeing a sweet, empowering picture on VSCO would entirely change my perspective on life. I wish I could say I never so much as negatively batted an eyelash afterwards, but that’s not the case. What it did mean was that from then on, when the cursed comparison crept in, I’d remind myself that there was enough pretty to go around. Since there’s enough pretty to go around, there’s enough for everyone to be pretty. Someone else’s beauty doesn’t disqualify your own.
I used to think that if I was as “pretty” as the girls I compared myself to, I’d never have another issue. I thought that the pretty people were works of art, and I ran around the margins. Understanding that there’s enough pretty to go around correlates directly with understanding that no one is exempt from sadness. There will always be someone who disappoints us, and there will always be an adversary. There will be no shortage of negativity or sadness.
We play with the cards we’re dealt, but because too many people end up hating their hands, I think our vision of the game is skewed. Something about growing up made me start hating my cards, and that’s not unique to me. Little, overly-confident Erin held closely to her dear Queen of Hearts, but I think it’s time to stop trying to paint the white roses red.
My name is Erin Harrison and I’m a 17-year-old girl from Tupelo, Mississippi. I had a rather tedious journey learning to accept myself in middle school, so when I finally made progress, I wanted to help others make some too. I started a project I like to call “I Feel Pretty” to mentor middle school girls on overcoming insecurity, friendship quarrels, and even different kinds of abuse at home. I spend most of my time babysitting, mentoring adolescents, and hanging out with friends. If you’re interested in my project, check out my website: https://fox-seadragon-7z3b.squarespace.com/about-me?noredirect.
The post 3 Reasons Open-Mindedness is a Key to Self-Growth appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.
1. You aren’t seeing the results you want to see. Nothing is going to change overnight. Just because you can’t physically see how much you’ve accomplished right now doesn’t mean all the work you’ve been putting in has been useless. It’s going to take a while for your hard work to give you real, concrete results, but you have to keep going. You have to have faith you’ve been doing the right thing. You can’t lose your motivation, simply because the hours you’ve put in yesterday aren’t apparent today. You’ll get there eventually — unless you give up now.
2. You’ve messed up. Just because you’ve suffered from a setback or have made a small mistake doesn’t mean that you’re destined to fail. Remember, success isn’t the first step toward reaching your goals. It’s the final step. Before you reach your destination, you are going to screw up. You are going to face obstacles. At the end of the day, your mistakes don’t matter. Whether or not you’re able to bounce back matters. Whether you keep going when you’re tempted to quit matters.
3. You feel like you’re ‘behind’ your friends. It doesn’t matter whether there are people your age who have more money than you or are more advanced in your field than you. You can’t measure success. You can’t compare your journeys. Just because someone else has reached certain milestones by now doesn’t mean you were supposed to do the same. It doesn’t mean you’re falling behind. You’re on two completely different paths. Their wins are not your losses.
4. You aren’t where you hoped you’d be when you were younger. Your goals are going to shift as you grow older. You aren’t going to want the same exact things you wanted as a kid. Even if your goals haven’t changed, your expectations should’ve changed. You can’t set a strict timeline for yourself, because life cannot be planned out that precisely. You can’t predict when you are going to reach certain milestones. You simply have to keep trying.
5. You are being picked apart by family and friends. You can’t focus on making other people proud. You have to focus on making yourself proud. It doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say about you. After all, If you have a hard time accepting compliments from others, why do you have such an easy time accepting the mean things they have to say? Remember, anyone who tries to make you feel bad about yourself isn’t worth keeping in your life. You should stick with people who encourage you, not demolish you.
6. You feel like a failure. Everyone has doubts. Everyone questions their own strengths and abilities. However, you have to remember, your insecurities could be tricking you into believing something that isn’t true. Just because you feel like a failure doesn’t mean it’s the truth. Just because you are disappointed in yourself today doesn’t mean you will feel the same tomorrow. You need to treat yourself with more kindness, because chances are, you’re doing just fine. 
Everyone wants to be successful, but no one wants to take responsibility for their success. No one wants to take any responsibility for their failures either. The only person that will ever take responsibility for your life as an adult is you. If you don’t take responsibility for your life, you won’t be happy with […]
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