7 Ways To Set Goals For 2021 While Still Treating Yourself Gently

1. Set small, achievable goals for yourself. It’s important to keep yourself motivated — and a good way to do that is to mix in small goals with your bigger goals. That way, you will feel like you’re being productive early in the year, even when you haven’t managed to accomplish your biggest life goals yet. There’s nothing nicer than crossing items off of a checklist. Besides, you deserve to celebrate all of your successes, even the smallest ones.

2. Focus on the goals that are actually within your control. Instead of making getting a boyfriend your resolution, make your resolution about putting yourself out there more, signing up for dating apps, and starting the conversation a certain amount of times. Pick goals that are within your control. You can’t decide whether or not you’re going to meet your soulmate this year — but you can decide whether or not you’re going to keep yourself open to love.

3. Value your personal goals as much as your love and career goals. Even if this isn’t the year when you land your dream job or get engaged, it can still be a good year. Instead of placing all of your focus on your relationships and career, you should pay attention to the other important aspects of your life, too. Breaking bad habits. Coming out of your shell. Learning to love yourself. All of those things are important, even though they might not seem as impressive on paper.

4. Dream big — but keep your expectations realistic. It’s important to push yourself, to step outside of your comfort zone, to try to achieve your wildest dreams. However, you don’t want to be too hard on yourself if you’re unable to reach the biggest goals on your list. Even if you take tiny steps closer to achieving those big goals, you should be proud. That’s still something. That’s still important.

5. Only list down goals you personally feel passionately about. It doesn’t matter if your parents really want you to get married soon or if your friends really want you to spend more time with them. All that matters is what you want. Write down the things that matter the most to you, because when you really care about your goals, you’re more likely to reach them. You’re less likely to give up when you’re halfway there.

6. Break your goals into smaller, more manageable pieces. When you’re coming up with your list of resolutions, instead of writing a blanket statement about how you want to get a novel published, break the goal into pieces. Writing a novel. Editing a novel. Writing a query. Sending out queries. That way, you’re crossing off a bunch of goals on the way to your main one.

7. Have fun with it! You don’t want every single goal on your list to scare you. You want some of them to feel fun and exciting. Maybe you want to ride in a hot air balloon or visit your friend in another state (once the pandemic is done). You don’t have to put anything too crazy on your list. You can add the fun stuff, too!

* This article was originally published here

3 Small Ways You Might Be Blocking Abundance

One mindset shift that has completely changed my life for the better is an abundance mindset.

An abundance mindset is based on the concept that there’s always more than enough to go around for everyone. Enough money, enough opportunities, enough shelter, enough food, etc.

This may seem hard to accept at first, since our society conditions us to have a scarcity mindset.

Thoughts like: there’s never enough to go around, there’s not enough opportunities, not enough money, not enough good men, not enough good friends, etc. Sound familiar? This is the general narrative of scarcity that we are programmed to believe in society.

This is, in fact, a lie. Nature in its purest form is abundant. Something is actually wrong when abundance doesn’t occur naturally. On a personal level, this can be due to limiting beliefs and programming we received from our parents as well as society.

Think about it. What if everyone was aware that we live in an abundant universe? What would the world look like then? I believe that this is the direction we are heading in. More and more of us are waking up to the truth: that our mindset informs our energy and our actions.

That what we energetically align with, we attract. How empowering is it to know that we can consciously become aware of and influence our reality?

Abundance doesn’t just show up in your physical reality without first being accepted in your inner reality: your attitude towards money, your attitude towards abundance, your relationship with abundance, and unseen energetic support.

Here are small ways you might be blocking abundance without realizing it.

1. Not accepting compliments and gifts

Do you notice that you brush off compliments or play them down when you receive them? Do you find it hard to accept gifts or even outright reject them? You’re blocking abundance!

I’ve done this myself and so I call myself out now. When I receive a compliment on my writing, I make sure to say ‘Thank you!’ instead of ‘Oh that? That’s really easy for me. I’m not that good anyway.’ Make sure you accept gifts that the universe sends you to open the doors to more abundance. Be willing to receive.

2. Not celebrating small wins as much as the big wins

Do you take your morning tea for granted? Or what about a fun conversation with your colleague? The fact that you have running water, a nice place to sleep, food in the fridge? Did you know appreciating small wins or moments like these shows the universe that you’re grateful for the abundance in all forms, big or small? Once you start celebrating the small wins, the universe sends you more.

Celebrate $1 as much as you would $100 so that the universe can bring you $100! You make yourself into a vibrational match this way.

3. Not focusing on hints for the next opportunity in a setback

Abundance is not only financial, it spans other aspects that make a joyful and fulfilling life, like fruitful career opportunities, fulfilling relationships, creative pursuits, and physical and emotional health.

For example, say you have a job interview that doesn’t work out, and you don’t get the job, even after passing three out of the four interviews needed.

With an abundance mindset, you would look at this as an amazing opportunity that you had to interview with a reputable company. You would focus on what went right, what you enjoyed about each person you met with, and where you could have improved. You would take note of what aspects you liked in the role and the company and what you didn’t.

Then you would say thanks to the universe and you would see this as coming so close to the right opportunity, knowing that the perfect job is right around the corner. You were just refining and preparing yourself for the next opportunity.

This is how the process works for realizing your manifestation. The person in that story was me, and I did land the perfect opportunity for me right after that ‘failed’ job interview process. My current job held all of the positive qualities I gleaned from the previous interview experience.

Start seeing your relationships and passions as opportunities and forms of abundance. When something doesn’t pan out as expected, notice the blessing in that and see it as a sign that your abundance is on its way: right around the corner.

Some of the tools that have helped me cultivate an abundance mindset are self-help spiritual books, reflective journaling to see what my limiting beliefs about money are, working with coaches to help me with my blind spots, and essential oils to release subconscious scarcity mindset beliefs.

These small tweaks in behaviors and thoughts will shift your mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance, and that will ripple to all areas of your life. Everyone deserves abundance in all of these areas that make life worth living.

* This article was originally published here

5 LGBTQ+ Celebs On Their Best (and Worst) New Year's Eve Kisses

What's Your Best and Worst New Year's Eve Kiss? If you want to start 2021 off right, it's all about landing a perfect New Year's Eve kiss. But …

* This article was originally published here

To Leave Your Fears Behind, Learn to Live in the Now

Spiritual teachers have told us that life is unfolding in the now and that only the present moment exists. Scientists such as Albert Einstein have confirmed it. We think time is linear, but that’s because we don’t perceive the now. Our minds are constantly shifting from the past (memories) to the future (expectations).

Both of these states of mind are breeding grounds for fear, especially the future. Thoughts of what could happen or what might be take us down a tricky trail. But these imagined scenarios rarely happen as we think they will — and placing credence in them lets fear take over. What we need to do is bring our attention back to the present moment, and cause fear to subside. Practice these three strategies to shift into the present and detach from your fears:

Bear Witness to Your Own Thoughts

We are always choosing what thoughts to energize. When random thoughts come in, we either attach to them and take them in one direction or another, or we stay detached from them and choose to let them go. Even when we sleep, there is a higher part of us making decisions. When we start bearing witness to our own thoughts, they lose their potency.

Witnessing our thoughts is a recommended spiritual practice, one commonly referred to as mindfulness. Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh said that “Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay.”

Pay attention to your thoughts. Notice how one thought leads to another and another, until they’ve built a whole chain. You’ll notice that these thoughts are always about something in the past or something you think may happen in the future.

Give Up Your Focus on Time

“The Zone” is that state of mind athletes often talk about in which, in the midst of everything, time seems to stop. We have all experienced that state in which we lose track of time. But most people don’t trust the experience. They don’t see those occasional glimpses into the now as real since they happen so rarely. Or, they believe the only way to experience them is to do something extraordinary, like climb a mountain or run a marathon. The sensation of being purely in the present can be frightening, as well — as it’s so out of our normal range of experiences.

But this is the state in you are your truest self, and in which fear cannot survive. Try to access this state frequently and allow yourself to visit as much as possible. Release yourself from the barriers to this state by centering yourself in the now. Try this exercise: Very slowly look at what is around you. Look at the contours of your hand, and so forth. Be present to how you turn your head when you do these things. Witness yourself taking these actions. What part of you is witnessing this?

Center Yourself in Your Heart

Centering in the now also places us in the heart, which is the seat of our consciousness: the electromagnetic field that comes from the heart is 60 times larger than the one that comes from the brain. Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, said, “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.”

Gratitude is the key for getting centered in the heart and the now. Operating from a heart space opens us to greater compassion for ourselves and others and dissipates that sense of fear — as well as blame and judgment. Our most common default is blame, so we have to pay attention to our thoughts and consciously move to a heart awareness. Ask yourself what you want to put into the world, and if this is how you would want to be treated.

Centering in the heart and the now helps us see our problems in a different light. The more we practice this, simply through our growing awareness of it happening, the more it will happen. We are simple reinforcing what is already there versus reinforcing something false. We are focusing on what’s real.

When we center in the heart and the now, and stop reacting unconsciously from fear, we can make incredibly healing choices. We can choose love over fear, compassion over judgment, forgiveness over hatred, and grace over condemnation. All of our decisions will be exponentially more effective and right for us and everyone involved.

As you sit here reading, focusing only on these words, everything is in perfect order. It’s only when you allow your thoughts to stray to the future — as in, “How am I going to find a better job?” or the past, as in “I wish I hadn’t said what I said last night” that fears arise and problems surface. The truth is, you can create an endless number of problems. But if you stay in the now, you are fine.

So be grateful for the simple things, such as the fact that you’re alive, you’re breathing, and you can read these words. Your choice is making room for the joy of the present. In that space, in the now, there’s no room for fear.

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Lawrence Doochin is an author, entrepreneur, and devoted husband and father. A survivor of harrowing childhood sexual abuse, he traveled a long journey of emotional and spiritual healing and developed an in-depth understanding of how our beliefs create our reality. In the business world, he has worked for or been associated with enterprises from small startups to multinational corporations. He is the cofounder of HUSO sound therapy, which delivers powerful healing benefits to individual and professionals worldwide. In everything Lawrence does, he strives to serve a higher good. His new book is A Book on Fear: Feeling Safe in a Challenging World. Learn more at lawrencedoochin.com.

The post To Leave Your Fears Behind, Learn to Live in the Now appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

* This article was originally published here

Please Underestimate Me

Please underestimate me. Tell me that I “can’t.” Tell me that I’ll “never.” Tell me that I’m incapable. I promise it won’t break me.

Tell me that I don’t have what it takes to achieve my dreams. Tell me that I’m too soft, too gentle, too female to make an impact. Tell me that I shouldn’t speak up, that no matter how loudly I raise my voice, no one will hear me. It’ll only make me stronger.

Tell me that I’ll never find love. Tell me that I’m too stilted, too closed off, too flawed to make a connection. Tell me that I’m not pretty enough, that no one will truly accept me, that now’s not my time, that my body and mind are too much for anyone to love. I know I’ve already proven you wrong.

Tell me that my opinions don’t matter. Tell me that I don’t care about the things that will truly change the world. Tell me that my silence isn’t complacency; it’s self-preservation. Tell me that my desire for truth, empathy, and justice is fundamentally wrong. I know far more than you believe.

Tell me that I’m too young. Tell me that I’m naive to the ways of the world. Tell me to wait longer to grow and change before I choose the course of my life. Tell me that I haven’t lived long enough to persevere through adversity. I promise I’m ready to fly.

Tell me that I think too small. Tell me that I should have made more of myself by now. Tell me that my words only matter when they meet your unreachable standards. Tell me that I should sell my soul and relinquish my passion to reach my fullest potential. I’ll find success on my own terms.

Tell me that I’m not strong enough. Tell me that my body is broken and my mind is a maze. Tell me that I have too many limitations to move forward, that my problems are too unsolvable to work through. Tell me that you’re sure I’ll never overcome the struggles I face. I’ll always show you just how wrong you are.

You see me as too broken, too incompetent, too voiceless to thrive. But with every disparaging assumption you make, you prove that you don’t know me. So please underestimate me, tear me down, try to break me — I promise I’ll prove you wrong.

* This article was originally published here

Tania Cazin of Stalwart Sales Training and Consulting: “There is a psychology behind my system”

The close is the logical conclusion to an effective sales presentation. We don’t “push” to the close, we “lead” to the close. You asked for five …

* This article was originally published here

How To Turn A Career Setback Into Your Edge

Many of us have gone through career setbacks this year, whether our jobs have been made redundant, our job search was interrupted by the pandemic, or our business operations were significantly impacted.

Maybe you’ve even been furloughed or fired twice this year. I feel for you especially.

When the lockdown started in March, I was very close to securing multiple job offers after months of searching. After multiple rounds of interviews with two companies where I was in the final stages, the news of the pandemic felt like I was being pulled back to square one. The roles were both closed and I had to start again.

I had to let go and surrender to what was happening. Based on my beliefs (that everything happens for a reason), I knew that I could trust that this was happening for my own good, even if it didn’t feel like it.

Similarly, when you’re laid off or fired, it can feel like a shock to the system. Your ego can feel bruised, you can feel lost, or like you’ll never be back on your feet again, especially if your identity is connected to the work you do. Yet this setback is an initiation and a blessing in disguise if you choose to view it that way.

Here’s how to get your confidence back after a career setback and how to use it as a launching pad to your next best opportunity, in this order.

Take a short pause.

You’ll want to make decisions for choosing your next job from a place of centeredness. I dove into the job search the same day of being let go from a job once. All that did was add seven months to my job search. It’s not the right thing to do, because you won’t be taking action from a place of clarity.

It will be coming from an emotional place and an unsteady place. You could also be taking action from a fearful place, and I’ve found that decisions made from fear don’t usually turn out well. You’ll also be taking all the old energy from the past experience into your new experience instead of starting over new.

When I’ve experienced recent setbacks, I’ve found that making space for a few days to be still is the best thing you can do. Use that time to focus on taking care of yourself—it will be your time of reset.

Take your self-care to the next level during this time by exercising, practicing yoga and meditation, eating healthfully, using essential oils, getting lost in a favorite TV show, and resting as much as possible to get back on track.

When I lost a friend this year, I healed by taking a pause and started going to yoga twice a week. I also went to my gym’s sauna and jacuzzi, which also helped me to reset.

It doesn’t need to be a long break, but you do need a buffer. Then you can come back to your job search or devising your next steps from a place of balance.

If you haven’t planned for a layoff or firing, you’re going to feel like you need to rush to secure a job very quickly in order to start working and making money again.

Despite this very real truth, I’ve learned that no good decisions come from rushing, because that is coming from a scarcity mindset. A mantra I like to use by Louise Hay is “There’s always enough time for me to do what I need to do.”

Focus only on finding the right job for you. This is when you need to surrender your plans to the universe and take the next right step in front of you. Accept that it might take longer than you’d like to find your next opportunity and learn to be uncomfortable with uncertainty.

Take ownership of what part you played in this outcome.

Even if you were not at fault for being laid off, think of any actions you took that led to this outcome or anything you may have overlooked.

Can you think back to what the job interview process was like? Did you rush into it or embellish on what you were qualified for to get the job? Or has your company gone through changes in the past months or years that have slowly changed your level of opportunity or your fulfillment in your work?

If you quit or were fired, then you can reflect on what led to that outcome too. Even if you didn’t cause the firing through any direct fault of your own, think back on any red flags. Did you ignore any gut feelings you had while interviewing? Did you make assumptions about the role or company?

Or did you rush and take something that was beneath you to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of being without a job? Maybe you did all you could do in your role and it served its purpose. Reflect on this so you can be aware and prevent this from happening again.

One of my first managers gave me the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and Janet Mills, and it completely changed how I show up not only in my career but in my life. Your mindset will direct your actions, and create your reality. You always have ownership of your side of the street, despite other people’s actions, which is so empowering.

In this order, the agreements are:

Be impeccable with your word

Don’t take anything personally

Don’t make assumptions

Always do your best

When you live by these agreements, derived from ancient Toltec wisdom, you experience happiness and self-respect. When you don’t live by these agreements, you live in a self-created nightmare. I highly recommend reading this book if you’re in this transition right now because you’ll realize how much you truly do have influence over.

By just shifting your perspective, you can look back at when you didn’t follow these agreements and you’ll see a pattern. By following these agreements, you find truth and fulfillment.

I’ve also forgotten to follow these agreements, so there’s no need to feel shameful about it if you do too. You can learn from this experience to avoid it in the future. Don’t take it personally, but do take in the feedback if there was any and reflect on your part in this.

Reading inspiring books like The Four Agreements will help you stay in a positive mindset and empower you with tools to move on to your next step.

Spend more time on your personal life and hobbies.

What I realized after being let go from a job last year was that I had built my life around work without realizing it. I hadn’t taken a vacation in a year, most of my personal connections were from work, so my social circle was small and I didn’t have many hobbies outside of work.

That became very clear to me once I was without work. I identified with it so much that I didn’t realize I filled all my time with it and didn’t have much balance in other areas of my life. Perhaps you’ve noticed the same thing for yourself this year.

I realized something really needed to change when I wasn’t getting any traction on my job search. I had to create action somewhere else, so I started reaching out to new contacts, joined a job search group at my alumna university and started meeting up with new friends for coffee.

I also picked up painting because I had been fascinated by acrylic pour paintings for the last few years but always told myself I was too busy to try it.

All I needed to do was pick up some paints and canvas at Michaels, then watch some YouTube videos. It was a lot easier than I made it out to be and I found I could relieve a lot of stress through painting. I even started selling my paintings online.

It gave me some feeling of purpose in creative expression too, as I joined local art communities to display my paintings.

An equally important aspect of life is fulfilling relationships and hobbies outside of work. People will be there for you when jobs aren’t. Spend time with loved ones, who will support you and reflect back the real ‘you’ to you.

The aspect of you that is talented and successful, with or without a job at the current moment. This will help you become a well-rounded and balanced person which is always attractive in a job candidate. Watch as your career trajectory expands because you’ve reached a point of balance in yourself.

Start your side passion project.

I started my coaching business in 2018 when I was in between jobs, and it was something I never planned to do.

It was a natural progression because I had the time and space to question what it is I really want in a career and for my life. I had learned a lot from bouncing back from my own career setbacks and I was ready to help others do the same.

I got certified in Integrative Life Coaching and learned that happiness could be found by aiming for balance in all aspects of life: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual.

I also explored freelance writing more fully, as I had been writing for publications for fun while I was working full time. I took on more writing, writing about personal development topics on my business blog, and building my portfolio.

Follow what you’re passionate about and start building your skills. Whether it’s a new training or course you take or podcasting and creating a blog, you’re building up your personal brand. You’re also exercising your creative muscles and proving to yourself that you can create your own success.

As a result, you can talk about this experience in your interviews, and you never know, your passion could be related to your next job and at the very least will provide you with new skills. It will also serve as a nice project to work alongside your job search and, again, make you well-rounded in the eyes of companies that interview you.

In fact, I found that all of the skills in content marketing that I learned to market my own business, such as creating and editing videos, creating graphics in Canva, marketing events, and creating email campaigns, were skills I needed for my next role!

Follow what you feel would be the most fun for you and see where it takes you. It will take some of the pressure off from the job search process and help you build skills, find purpose, and network with new people.

Make a list of all the unique qualities about you.

How does your experience uniquely set you apart from other job candidates? If you reflect on your experiences, both professional and personal, you will find that there are some pretty amazing and unique things about you.

Whether you’re great at cooking, writing, painting, or even knitting, write it down. The fact that you’re a good listener, a collaborative person, or you have the ability to lighten the mood are all unique and important qualities.

Then make a list of professional qualities that are unique about you. Once you are clear on what sets you apart professionally, you’ll start attracting jobs that fit you perfectly.

Be sure to reference this list when you start to feel down. Remind yourself that you possess these qualities whether or not you’re currently working. Whenever you’re feeling down—and you inevitably will during a transition like this—come back to this list to remind yourself.

I made a list last year where I confirmed to myself that I am skilled in writing, creating engaging social media captions, designing beautiful graphics, and creating content strategies.

I would then focus on incorporating this list in my interview preparations to show what sets me apart. Because I got clear on this, I was hired for all of these qualities in my current role! When you’re clear on your value, others will be too.

Now make a game plan.

Before diving into the job search, you’ll want to uncover what the most fulfilling career is for you. Everyone wants to skip this step, but there’s no point in doing that because all you’ll be doing is putting in the effort to reach a goal you don’t have a target for.

After you’ve picked a few options, start reaching out to your network, your local job search group, or university alumni resources. These types of groups or pairing up with someone else who is looking for a job will also give you accountability in your search.

I was surrounded by successful people in their fields, who were all just going through a phase of finding the right job. With the pandemic this year, that reality is heightened. Many people are going through the same thing, so you can truly feel that you’re not alone and it’s not personal.

It says nothing about your character or worth as a person, and you’ll learn that you are so much more than your job. Create a new narrative for yourself of how this experience was a launchpad for you.

Reflect on what you learned from this phase and then start to visualize what it feels like to have the best job for you. Join organizations or work with a coach that will support you to get your next job.

See this rejection as a redirection.

Realize that what’s meant for you will not miss you. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and if we’re not aligned with the right career, the universe will find a way to get us on the right track.

I thought I was in the perfect career in London back in 2014 — I really thought that was the peak I could achieve in my career. On paper, it sounded incredible. Looking closer, the role was in a whole new area of creative marketing I hadn’t built experience in yet, so I was starting over new. There weren’t structures in place as the team was new, so every day was new when I worked best with structure. The company culture was not positive or conducive to my best work and the pay also was lower than what I had been making in the U.S.

So on paper, it looked good, but I had made a lot of assumptions of what it would actually be like. In short, I saw what I wanted to see and I overlooked some red flags. What I did take away about myself from this experience was that I can learn how to adapt quickly to a role and work with all types of people from all over the world.

By moving to a new country on my own at a young age, I gained the confidence to later strike out on my own and start my business.

I learned that I made assumptions about what it would be like working there, and ever since then I’ve made sure to bring more clarifying questions to my next interviews. I’ve gotten clear on my value, and therefore I’m much more selective now in choosing a job.

Over a span of three more years, it would take a few experiences of quitting and being let go until I would realize a new foundation needed to be set before I pursued my next opportunity.

After following the above steps in bouncing back and getting clear on the value I offer, I realized that I was always being led closer to the better opportunity.

Finding your next step.

I’m now in a role that makes the most of my skills at a mission-led company with a positive culture. I’m paid well and I’m using the experience I built up in marketing my own business to help another business do the same.

I’ve helped multiple clients this year bounce back from back-to-back layoffs, some related to the pandemic and some not. After we’ve worked through the above steps, I ask each of my clients this question: “What is the lesson you can glean from this experience for your next step?”

With one client, he was let go from a job in a new industry he had wanted to break into. Even though he had achieved this career transition from real estate to finance, he realized he wasn’t as happy in the role or company as he thought he would be.

He didn’t feel motivated in his role because there wasn’t enough relationship building or creative aspects in the role. He was a people-person that wanted to work in a collaborative team environment, and in the role he was in he was working on his own mostly.

So he realized the lesson in being let go was a blessing in disguise because he took a role that wasn’t completely right for him, but it served as a stepping stone to another (better) opportunity.

Another client of mine realized this year that she was not aligned with the right career, so she quit her full-time job without a plan on what to do next.

She realized that she had built a lot of creative content experience on the side while working by sharing her wisdom in holistic tools like astrology and tarot on her Instagram. Through her love of this work, she had created a solid audience she could now start sharing offerings to.

It took this pandemic for her to realize that she has what it takes to start her own business offering card readings for people, even if it feels terrifying.

Influence what you have control over.

You can’t control what happens in the economy, in your company, or in the world with a pandemic. What you can control is your vision for your ideal career and your daily actions.

Reclaim your narrative, and make it work for you. If you’re asked in an interview about your experience, be honest and explain the learning lesson. Next, cover everything you have been working on since as outlined above.

Sometimes in life, and in your career, you need to fully surrender to what is happening and use this experience to propel you into the next level of your career. Take a pause to heal yourself and find your inner balance again with some self-care practices.

Learn the lesson and integrate it, then see this as your opportunity to be in a career that’s even better for you. Because it is!

You will find your next role, and in the meantime, you will be finding joy in all areas of your life and creating your happiness from within. Once you realize that, you’ll feel less attached to forcing an outcome and you’ll attract the right job for you in a natural way.

* This article was originally published here

The Real Link Between Screen Time and Mental Health: How Your Device Impacts You

With the introduction of mobile phones, computers, TVs, and a wealth of additional electronic devices, unfortunately, comes a rise in screen time!

Whether an adult or a child, our reliance on such devices increases with each passing year. Therefore, it's not much of a stretch to say most of our usual screen time extends to several hours a day.

But, though most of us find such gadgets an essential addition to our lives, it’s getting harder to dispute the links between screen time and a decrease in mental health.

The Draw and Power of the Screen

With every piece of data you can imagine available from the comfort of your screen, the temptation of such electronic devices is quite clear.

Never before have we all had so much information in the twenty-first century.  All the content, media, and entertainment, we desire is readily available from the one screen!

Yet, over time, this has meant that our ability to create our own entertainment has reduced dramatically. Understandably, none of us ever must be bored again with online demand catering to our every whim.

But, with this loss of creativity, solitude, and patience come several negative aspects. Notably, many of us now find ourselves unable to detach from our screens throughout the day – even experiencing withdrawal symptoms when we do so.

As a result, our reliance on-screen time has started to encroach onto our mental well-being.

How Increased Screen Time Impacts on Our Mental Health

Quite simply, increased ongoing screen time affects our very basic human needs. This is a fact referred to by many a leading psychologist who has witnessed the fallout first-hand.

The human body is a machine that, to continue to do well, needs to stay well-oiled.

In both adults as well as children, this means:

• Getting the right amount of sleep and rest
• Being active throughout the day
• Eating a healthy and balanced diet
• Interacting socially with others in real-time

Yet, when any one of these needs becomes unbalanced, screen time begins to interfere with well-being. The most common culprit here is overstimulation.

This means rather than sleeping, we’re staying up later watching one more episode or checking out the latest YouTube video.

Rather than getting our recommended daily exercise fix, we’re sat in front of our screens. Or we’re lying on our beds, sedentary for a great deal of the day.

Snacks have replaced healthy food so we can eat in front of our screens. Or we eat more convenience food, so we spend less time prepping for the same reason.

But perhaps one of the most problematic issues concerning mental health is that we’re not interacting with others.

For all the electronic communication and likes made online, we humans are social creatures and crave a level of real-time socialization. This is just something a screen cannot replace.

The Rise of Screen Time in an Ever-Changing World

The reality is that we’re living in a world where many of us need to access screens as part of our everyday life. Furthermore, with pandemics such as the recent COVID, for many, the screen has become their lifeline.

Some people find they are now relying solely on screens for work, while others find screens are their only means of communicating with the outside world.

Unfortunately, it’s also fair to say that many of us, at times, find life behind the screens that little bit safer. This is especially so for children during school holiday times and adults in the evenings.

Therefore, if we’re to ensure that more screen time to come doesn’t continue to affect our mental health status, they need to find a way to live side by side.

Creating a Good Balance of Screen Time and Positive Mental Health Status

The key here is to find that balance. Perhaps so quickly spoken but harder to action, perseverance here is vital. This means looking at a solution to create a healthier long-term scenario.

Undeniably, screens are addictive, and as humans, we all have addictive tendencies. However, like any addiction, they can be overcome. Though the idea isn’t to eliminate them entirely here, you can build a healthy balance:

• Recognize your addiction to your screen. Be honest with yourself about the time you use a screen. Watch how often your hand reaches for your device throughout the day. Log the time spent on your favorite apps.
• Take a minute to reassess your overall health and wellbeing. Are you tired all day? Is your health suffering? Do you find yourself becoming more and more withdrawn from those around you?
• Commit to making a change. For example, if you’re waking tired every day after spending hours watching clips on your phone all night, switch off your devices before you get into bed.
• Try to find another form of activity to sit alongside your screen time. So, instead of reading on your device, pick up a physical book in its place. When you’re tempted to scroll through your media feeds, get out and take a walk. At dinner time, leave the screen and sit around the table to eat instead.

No-one can deny the power of the screen and its lure. But we can all recognize this power and actively decide to balance it out for the sake of our mental health and well-being.

The post The Real Link Between Screen Time and Mental Health: How Your Device Impacts You appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

* This article was originally published here

“Plan for focus time.” with Nora McCaffrey

Plan for focus time. It’s easy for meetings to fill up your day. I try to carve out time for dedicated work.Pause and reflect before starting focus …

* This article was originally published here

Here’s Why You Struggle Setting Boundaries (And What You Can Do About It)

Let’s normalize “no.”

A client put it perfectly when we were discussing why some people kept lingering in her life, even after she clearly communicated “no” and “I’m not interested,” or so she thought. She finally admitted, “I always leave the door ajar.”

The dance of setting boundaries and enforcing them in the face of resistance or backlash has been a big piece of my own journey, as well as with women I work with.

If you struggle with boundaries — setting them, holding them, or communicating them — here are potential reasons why.

You Think All Rejection Is Bad

The initial sting of getting let down or being told no may cause discomfort, but ultimately, not all rejection is bad, and it might serve us to reframe our mindsets. We need to normalize saying no.

A lot of times, we simply fear hurting others and watching people suffer. It’s human nature to prefer getting what we want, and most often we prefer pleasure or comfort to pain, but we should be careful not to project that onto others to our own detriment.

I think back to all the jobs I didn’t get, men who ghosted me from their lives, sales I didn’t close, and people who have told me they didn’t want to work with me. Each instance taught me a new lesson, an opportunity to try something new, or left space for something better to come in, even though I didn’t necessarily realize it at that moment. For each time I was told no, I was redirected to something much better waiting around the corner.

I’ve also been the one to do the rejecting. Recently I got coffee and reconnected with a man I had met in LA while dating around in my early twenties. He was a wonderful guy who courted me and treated me really well. I reflect back now and see that I was incredibly ambiguous, emotionally unavailable, and was in no place to commit to the serious relationship he was ready for. Toward the end, he had asked me what we were doing and I said, “I don’t know.”

He popped up on my LinkedIn, and as it turns out, we’re both now in NYC. We had coffee and he told me about his serious girlfriend and the life they’ve built together. Back when I had rejected him, it ultimately led to him finding his new person and life partner. If I had stuck around and dragged him through that relationship, he perhaps wouldn’t have met her.

Rejection is simply a redirection.

I’m eternally grateful for all the nos I’ve received and for all the people who’ve left my life. I’m positive the life I have now would not be as rich or meaningful if I had forced myself on a different path out of fear of the unknown, or to avoid potentially sitting in some discomfort or not wanting to be the cause of someone else’s discomfort.

You Can’t Hold Sensation In Your Body

Being a human is more vulnerable than we realize. Relationships are messy. People let us down. We let people down. We say the wrong things. The truth can sting. We forget when it’s most important. We run people over. We drop them in their most intimate moments. We say something inadvertently hurtful. We don’t always receive each other fully.

Expressing emotions, speaking the truth, and being able to open for intimacy require we remain grounded in our bodies. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who felt like they were completely checked out and not present? Not only were they not paying attention, but they likely weren’t present in their body, either.

This can happen for a number of reasons. Prolonged, unexamined trauma or PTSD can cause us to dissociate — we quite literally leave our bodies. Chronic pain or illness can make it unpleasurable to slow down and feel the sensations our bodies are experiencing. Or simply having grown up amidst tons of distractions or chaos can cause someone not to have the skills to focus and properly aim their attention. Our realities are not always pleasant places to be, so checking out and not having to feel can be more enticing than feeling anything potentially not good.

If you’re not able to sit with the good or the bad, or anything in the range in between, speaking your truth and setting boundaries is going to prove especially difficult. Setting boundaries requires us to be honest about what we want and need. It requires us to communicate clearly even in the face of disagreement or potential conflict. Not being well-received or experiencing pushback has the potential to leave us feeling uncomfortable in our bodies and wanting to flee that sensation.

Growth happens outside your comfort zone.

If you’re someone who has a fear of conflict or prefers to avoid uncomfortable conversations, start by becoming more aware of the sensations running through your body. Start giving them names and try to notice when you typically get flustered and how that feels. See if you can sit with the feelings and sensations for a minute or two longer.

Meditation is a great place to begin this practice. Meditation quite literally requires the act of remaining still in the face of thoughts that are anxious, uncomfortable, or distracting. Any mindfulness practice will likely do, but it’s worth examining if your boundary struggles are simply an inability to sit in your body while experiencing uncomfortable feelings.

You Don’t Have Enough Outside Support Or Activities

When we become overly involved with or invested in people or relationships, we lose the ability to see things clearly. We might misinterpret the level of intensity that things really are and lose our sense of reality.

When working with clients, I always recommend that they be plugged into some sort of community and have friends outside the relationship if they are actively dating or in a relationship at any stage, be it new or long-term. To have activities and other supportive people in their lives separate from their primary partner gives them something — or someone — else that helps to make them feel good.

Have an armor of people and activities that can help take your attention off a situation.

The more you sit ruminating and trying to process can send you spiraling or pull you into communication that may be overdone or unnecessary.

Set the boundary and walk away.

You aren’t responsible for other people’s reactions; you don’t need to caretake or manage their needs. Having the ability to tend to yourself, your life, and other people and activities will help strengthen your ability to set and keep boundaries.

You Don’t Trust Yourself

A couple of years ago, I was going through an awful breakup. I dated someone in a coaching community and we had a lot of mutual friends — friends each of us had cultivated intimate relationships with. When we split, we had to figure out how to maintain those connections as now-separate people.

I didn’t do it gracefully. It was hard and painful to know my friends were still talking with my ex, a person I chose to disconnect from while healing my heartbreak, and ultimately, I made the choice to disconnect from many of my friends too.

While trying to figure out what to do, I called a friend outside my immediate circle and asked for her thoughts. Should I stay connected and continue to potentially hurt myself, or should I just disconnect and move on? She provided incredible perspective and said, “You know, you’re in a really tough spot, and life is always going to be a series of choices you will have to make. This sounds like one of those hard ones.”

I’ll never forget those words; I think about them all the time. Every day, every moment, we are faced with macro and micro-decisions we need to make. In recovery, they ask us, “What’s the next right action?” Sometimes it’s sending an email. Sometimes it’s booking a yoga class. Sometimes it’s asking for help. Sometimes it’s a snack or a nap.

Our lives are propelled forward by each decision we choose.

When learning to set boundaries and communicate powerfully, start with micro-actions that remind you of your trustworthiness. Place a hold on your calendar and every week, show up for yourself, whether that’s a workout class or reading a book. Remember back to when you had to make a hard decision and it went better than expected. Remind yourself that you can do hard things and get yourself a coach who helps you remember that brilliance when you’ve forgotten.

Setting boundaries isn’t easy. Being honest isn’t always easy, either. The place you have the most power is in the present moment. It’s not in worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet or obsessing over something unchangeable from your past. The present moment is when we have the control and the power to change what happens next.

Surround yourself with meaningful people and communities. Fill your life with activities that nourish your spirit and mind. The best opportunities can come when a door is closed; we can get reinvented when a relationship ends. The experience of being alive is learning to feel deeply — the good, the bad, and everything in between.

* This article was originally published here

How To Keep Your Brain Active At Any Age

There are 80 to 100 billion neurons in a human brain, leading to a complex network of hundreds of trillions of synapses that enable brain cells to communicate with each other. With all that complexity, the process of work of our mind remains a mystery. One of the biggest impacts of aging is the thinning of the frontal cortex that contributes to the formation of memories and concentration. To keep your mind clear and memory sharp, you should follow simple steps.  

Move. Yes, it’s that simple. As we age, our brain cells, or neurons, lose the tree-branch-like connections between them. Quite literally, over time, our brain cells loose their heft. Aerobic exercise is one of the best ways to keep your brain strong.

Eat Well. No, not those Flaming Hot Cheetos that stain your fingers orange for a week...We’re talking about stuff like fruits and vegetables, which are packed with antioxidants, as are some beans, whole grains, nuts, and spices. 

Exercise Your Mind. Working on a jigsaw puzzle or a LEGO, learning a new language, or even playing ping-pong can keep your brain young and supple.

Keep Calm & Carry On. Did that make you tense? If so, work on keeping it cool. It will only degrade your memory and limit your ability to learn. Besides, worrying doesn’t solve problems, it creates more.

Laugh. Obviously, don’t force it, or maybe do... or maybe don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud and enjoy the lighter side of life. Your gray matter will thank you for years to come.

Meditate. Recollecting a positive emotion or imagining a pleasurable scene during meditation quickly changes your heart rate variability towards coherence. Balanced and harmonious heart rhythm affects the emotional state and your brain, creating stability and signaling that everything in the body is working well. The benefits of mindfulness meditation include psychological well-being and alleviation of symptoms such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, insomnia, or chronic pain. All of these lead to quality life and longevity. 

Author: Aliya Grig, Founder and CEO of Human Cosmos App, writer, speaker. Aliya is a tech entrepreneur. In the past, she successfully launched and sold 2 hardware tech startups, and developed 3 space tech startups. Since her childhood she has been passionate about future technologies and everything about cosmos. She studied Buddhism, Tantra, yoga traditions in sacred locations around the world. In 2019 she published her first book “The Diary of A Space Immigrant”.  Lives  in Los Angeles, CA.  ( Full Bio ) 

App Key Visuals are HERE  

The post How To Keep Your Brain Active At Any Age appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

* This article was originally published here

Honestly, I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore

“I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching.” — Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

Every once in a while, I scroll through social media to look at myself through someone else’s eyes. I wonder what they’re thinking with each update, wonder what story each picture tells. It’s easy to make your life appear a certain way online, with the screen as your separator.

Some people will be able to see past the performance, but others will believe it. Even family. Even friends. The people closest to you might not have talked to you in a while — but they’ll assume they know exactly what you’ve been up to because they’ve seen the posts. They’ll assume they haven’t missed a thing. They’ll assume they’re caught up on your life when they don’t know the half of it.

They’ll think what they want to think.

“I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in the world am I?'” — Lewis Caroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

I feel like a completely different person than the girl I was in my younger days, my high school days, my crying-in-front-of-the-mirror-every-single-morning days. I feel so detached from my old self that I can look at her as another person. A person to pity. A person who didn’t realize how beautiful life could get — or how cruel it could be.

It’s always a shock when people comment on how little I’ve changed. It’s weird that they can spot me in a crowd, recognize me straightaway, when the girl they’re looking at is absolutely nothing like the one they think they knew. I’m not her anymore and it’s almost insulting when people think we’re one and the same.

It shouldn’t be insulting, of course. I should love every piece of me, even the parts that no longer exist. But that’s not the case. Learning to love myself in the present is strenuous enough.

“It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters. And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we don’t have genuine souls. It had gotten to the point where it seemed like nothing matters, because I’m not a real person and neither is anyone else.” — Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

I used to think that my stubbornness meant that I didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion, that I had such a concrete identity that no one could budge it. But I’m slowly realizing that society has shaped me in a million different ways. It’s swayed me into believing certain ‘truths’ without me consciously realizing what was happening.

The problem is… realizing I’ve been wrong about certain aspects of myself hasn’t given me a magical aha moment. It’s only made me more lost.

If I was so sure about who I was yesterday and was wrong — then how the hell am I supposed to trust myself today? My own brain is an unreliable narrator. Untrustworthy. Unsure.

My favorite books to read are thrillers, stories that warn you not to trust the person sleeping next to you in bed because you can never truly know another person. They could be a monster in disguise. They could be the killer in the last chapter.

But what happens when the person you don’t know is yourself? 

* This article was originally published here

10 Ways to Finish What You Start

Many people are poor at getting started. They make big plans but never take the first step. Others can get started but seem to bail out before they reach their goals. It’s quite maddening to put in a lot of work and then quit just before you reach success. The most successful people are masters […]

The post 10 Ways to Finish What You Start appeared first on Personal Development.

* This article was originally published here

How Companies Identify Talent with Kristen Edwards and Kage Spatz

HR Strategy Series, Real Human Resources There are many things happening around us at work, at home, and around the world that keep changing moment by …

* This article was originally published here

Ready for a Better 2021? Healthy Diets and Life Hacks to make it Happen

And, entertainment options to keep your mind occupied during the recovery...

* This article was originally published here